


Fire and Air

by moodwriter



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Hopefulness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 12:17:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/761223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodwriter/pseuds/moodwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just like the constellations, we fade.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fire and Air

_After the thunder  
Must come the rain  
After our beautiful karma  
Must come the pain  
Just like the constellations, we fade  
As blades of sunlight send, send night away_

_By the Rules by Adam Lambert_

Adam will always be his firestarter, in good and in bad. That’s just how it is, how it’s always been with them. It doesn’t mean he won’t miss it all. 

Sauli is sitting on their living room floor, going through their photo album. It has too few pictures because everything is digital nowadays, but there’s enough to make him choke. The best ones are taken with Adam’s family because those are the goofiest. They are all making stupid faces, nobody caring one bit how they look.

It’s bittersweet even though he knows he’s welcome there any given day. Sunday dinners.

*

He hears the front door opening, and a part of him hides because that part is not Adam’s anymore. That fire has to be leashed now. 

“Hallo!” Adam hollers, then steps into view. He looks gorgeous in his black T-shirt and ripped jeans. Adam’s bare feet have always been an endless source of endearment to Sauli. 

“Hi.” Sauli smiles. “Did you bring me anything?” That’s what he always asks Adam when he’s been gone more than two days, their little joke. 

Adam walks up to him, drops on his knees, and waves a small bag in front of Sauli’s face.

*

It’s surprising, a little heartbreaking because it’s always been a joke. He never wanted anything. He takes the bag, staring at Adam, then the bag again. “What’s this?”

“Open it. Please.” 

Sauli finds a black box in the bag, his hands shaking when he holds it. He holds his breath when he pulls the lid open, and when he sees it he turns to look at Adam. “Why?”

“So I’ll always blow some air into your fire,” Adam says and takes the necklace out of its box. It’s blue and silver, and it’s all about Adam’s sign. It’s everything Adam.

*

“Will you wear it?” 

Adam has learned to ask, but he’s still expecting Sauli to do it. It’s in the way he holds the necklace, in the way he’s looking at Sauli, and any other time Sauli might have said no, just because. Right now, after all that’s said and done, he wants it. 

He bows his head, and Adam sucks in a breath, then leans close and puts it on. 

It feels heavy, and it reaches as far as his heart. It takes the place as his favorite jewelry. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you for accepting it.” Adam sighs. 

*

Nothing has been this tense between them since they finally accepted that this would happen, that they would walk in different directions. Yet, right now, Sauli can barely look Adam in the eyes. 

The necklace is a symbol of all the things that make them too different, but it’s also a symbol of the life they’ve shared and might share again one day. 

In his heart of hearts, Sauli can’t say he knows how things will be later, and the necklace means that Adam feels the same way. He doesn’t want to say it out loud, and neither does Adam.

*

“I know I’m a controlling asshole,” Adam says, and Sauli snorts, “but you know why.”

“Yeah...” He has no idea why he’s whispering, but for some reason it’s not appropriate to break the peace between them. “I’m sorry I can’t give you more right now.” He’s said it before, but he thinks this is the first time Adam understands the depth of it. There’s so much he’d like to give, but he’s not there yet, maybe never. The earth burns under his feet. 

“I’ve loved you,” Adam says, touching his cheek. “More than anyone.”

He nods, leaning into the touch.

*

He’s never been able to make Adam feel secure, and Adam’s never been able to let him fly free. No amount of happy times and genuine love can change the fact that they are leaving each other wanting more. 

Sauli wants to be the person who could give Adam what he needs. He’s not, not now and maybe not tomorrow, but who knows about the future. 

But he knows Adam is the only one who’s ever kept him this long in one place. And there’s been times when he’s been happier than he ever thought possible. 

Adam is his air.

*

“So you’ll keep this?” Adam asks, his eyes soft. 

“Yeah, I’ll keep it.” He holds the necklace inside his fist and then kisses Adam on the lips, just a peck, but it’s enough to bring a deep smile to Adam’s face. That makes him smile in return. 

“Mom called,” Adam says, standing up and looking around, seeing the photo album for the first time. “Fish or lamb?”

Sauli grins, getting up, too, taking the album with him. “Fish sounds perfect.”

They sit on the couch, flipping through the album, laughing like crazy, their fingers entwined. 

Sauli feels the fire within.

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I know lots of people felt sad when they announced that they've broken up. I did too. I think they'll do fine, though, both of them, and I wish them happiness. I don't expect them to get back together, either, but I've had enough breakups in my life to know how it feels to leave behind someone you truly love. It's easier when you let yourself hope for a while. At some point, it's good to let go, though. 
> 
> My dear friend @aislinntlc betaed this fic. <3


End file.
